Trigger Warning: This post deals with death
I hope that is enough space. On Sept. 2nd I got the notification that my Grandma Murphy had passed away. I was sitting at my sewing table, mending clothes when I got the news. Grandma Murphy was my last living grandparent. She was always present in my life, even though we lived far apart. Being with Grandma felt like being home. The news wasn't shocking, she was 95 after all, but it was unexpected. She was having a rough morning breathing and then she died not long after. I am so glad that my Aunt and Uncle were there with her.
As I looked out my window over the cutting garden, I noticed white butterflies. (Probably moths, but I like to think of them as butterflies.) Lots of white butterflies. More than I had seen in a single setting ever. This was significant to me because I have always, since a small child, viewed white butterflies as a sign from Heavenly Father that things are going to be ok. Countless times when I had been uncertain or felt lost throughout my life, a white butterfly or two would flit past me and I knew that Heavenly Father understood and loved me. In this particular instance, I went out to the garden and was surrounded literally and figuratively by these small symbols of love.
You can barely see them in these pictures, but it was so nice seeing them flit about. I felt at peace then. I know she is at rest, and with her beloved companion again and that gives me solace. I had wished that I had taken Teddy down to see her, it was in my head to plan soon, but I never got the chance. She did see him on Marco polo and in photos. So there's that.
Elder Ballard recently gave a
talk where he states that "At my age, I have attended many funerals." I feel like I have already hit that age. I can't count how many funerals I have attended over the years, so many friends and family have passed on.
Grandma had her plot paid for since Grandpa passed, it was in California so they decided to have two events, a memorial service in Utah and the funeral in CA the following week. The first service was over Labor day weekend, so that worked for us. The kids didn't have school to deal with and we had nothing planned, so we packed up and drove down. I got an Airbnb because I assumed that Jessica was going to stay with Sal, and I didn't want to burden anyone with our sudden entourage. It was really nice having a spot of our own though. I will definitely be using them in the future. It was a house in Lehi that accommodated us really well.
At the viewing, I got a picture with my brothers,
Funerals are always so bittersweet. I loved hearing the stories and tender moments from their lives, but the loss of their presence is so palpable. It's exhausting. Mom gave the life sketch, which was written for a spotlight back in 2011, with a few added details.
The service was beautiful, afterward Mom, Dad, and Tabitha went to the temple, while the rest of us went to Aunt Cheryl's house for a luncheon. I didn't take many pictures, which shows you the state I was in. I did snap a few of Grandma's room because I wanted to remember it this way.
The doll there on the dresser was one I sent her on my mission from Spain. I saw it in this little shop in Las Arenas and I thought she would like it. It's in traditional Basque dress. That was in 2003, it's been displayed there ever since. Now it lives in my home.
Detail from the inside of the casket
Grandma loved nature and lived a large portion of her life in or near national forests. These pines were in her backyard in Oakhurst. I now have the same ponderosa pines in my backyard. Every time I look out my back window I think of Grandma, that and every time I clean my shower, when she moved in with my Aunt she had a shower with glass doors, she told me how fun it was to squeegee the glass in the nude. I laughed so hard at that, now I have glass doors too. So I still have daily reminders of her. I am so glad my kids got to know her, she was faithful in sending out birthday cards and so willing to sit with us when we came to visit with my rowdy crew. I am glad that she is at rest now, but I will miss her until I see her again.
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